Dear McDonalds CEO Jeff Stratton:
I recently read about your employee, Nancy Salgado, and how she cannot afford shoes. I disagree.
Ms. Salgado makes $8.25 an hour, so yes–this does mean that she can’t afford golden shoes.
So what kind of shoes CAN she afford?
Now, these shoes are technically cartoons. But the best part about cartoon shoes? You don’t have to clean them…because they don’t exist!
Now, these are footbinding shoes, but hear me out–if you bought these for Ms. Salgado, it’d be easier to keep her at McDonalds:
These are Walmart shoes, and it strikes me that Walmart and McDonalds share a lot in common. Actually, because of a McDonalds worker’s low wage, they have what we call in science a symbiotic relationship.
…or is it parasitic–I can never remember.
Now, you’re probably saying–why the heck should I buy some lady shoes? Well, here’s another option. I’ve done the math–well, Business Insider did the math. I read the math. The point is that McDonalds makes around $8.5 billion a year. So, you could double every employee’s’ wage for about $3 billion and still make $5.5 billion.
That’s a lot of shoes!